You may kiss the bride, and then you will pay.

My friends Kathy and Ryan are getting married! They're very, very happy. Now the questions fly- where will it be? Who will attend? What will we all eat?

After watching various friends go through "the year of hell," also known as the engagement period, I've come to a conclusion. Weddings have gone completely insane. And it's not the flowers. Or the dress. Or the cake. Or that dance with Dad. It's the burden of payment!! My god!! Just the location alone for a few hours will have your pocketbooks running for the hills. Want a wedding in the city? Get in line. How about a nice villa in wine country? Please. I've actually had friends laugh in my face when I rationalize that there must be a way to make $20,000 stretch for 100 guests. I mean, how can TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS not be a hefty enough budget? Seriously... where am I?

In other news, it's almost October! A special month for me and Librans everywhere! I've been asked what I want to do for my birthday this year. Hmm. Sure, every birthday's a momentus occasion. But once you hit 21, haven't you pretty much passed your last milestone- assuming of course, that you didn't already have a fake ID and 21 actually meant something? Anyway, I'm sure my loved ones will find ways to make me a special kid for a day. Mom, if you're reading this, I want go to to Chuck-E-Cheese like we did when I was 7. Save the date. Just kidding.

This ID lasted me 3 years, which is unbelievable. Take a good look at my name. I think we can agree that this is the worst ID ever made in the history of the world. And nobody ever noticed. A couple years ago, I watched the same corner shop that took my eager $40 get busted on the local news for churning out fake IDs.