Celluloid Lane: Closer

CloserHave you ever been so in love that you did something awful to make the person hate you and set you free from your obsession? Have you ever been so in love you'd forgive someone for making your worst fear come true? Have you ever been so in love that you were reduced to nothing more than pathetic ash? If you answered yes to any of the above, you'll probably relate to the characters in "Closer". But you probably still won't enjoy it.

Quick synopsis so I don't ruin the happy ending (just kidding, it's because I can't bear to think about it any longer)- Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Jude Law, and Natalie Portman are four deeply flawed characters intertwined in a bizarre and largely unbelievable love triangle. The glaring annoyance is that none of them seem to understand real passion or the modern concept of fidelity, although they manage to keep all the trouble within a nice, neat, 4-person reality over the course of several years. I saw redeeming twinkles in each of their eyes now and then, but they continued living disappointing lives. My guess is that the point of the movie was to showcase true character flaws, the kind that will tear someone away from their dearly beloveds no matter how they try to reform...but we as an audience get zero background on these folks and what could have possibly gone wrong earlier in life to warrant such mental cruelty.

Ok, I'll admit the acting is quite good, but do these sound like people you'd like to watch for two hours? I assure you the problem doesn't get fixed and nobody learns anything.

Oh, but you will see Natalie Portman in a stripper thong and not much else for a good 10 minutes. Yep, she's a stripper, though by far the most angelic stripper ever seen on film. So if that's your bag, perhaps you should stop listening to me.