Dear New Spot Mexican restaurant on 3rd/20th Streets in San Francisco's historic Dogpatch district,
I have an issue with your establishment. But not for the reasons you might think. Let me explain. See, I love Mexican food. Nachos are my idea of a perfect meal. Ask anyone. I know that this isn't your problem, but it's just that last week I starting working about half a block away from you. Once I became aware of your existence, I naturally felt it was my civic duty to sample your offerings. I chose what I thought was a relatively harmless "super baby burrito". You know, like a super burrito but not so big that I want to hibernate for seven years after eating an entire one. Obviously you know what I'm talking about - it's on your menu. Silly me! Anyway, the issue I have is that the super baby burrito is way, way too tasty (I always order the veggie/black bean version if that helps put things into perspective). In fact, I've eaten one every day since my first day on the job. It's troubling, New Spot Mexican Restaurant. Very troubling. I'm sort of afraid that I might not be able to NOT buy one tomorrow, too. And then the next day after that. For all eternity. Which, understandably, makes me a little nervous.
So I'm hoping you might be able to just refuse service to me when I come up to the counter tomorrow around 12:35 P.M.? Or better yet, lock the front door when you see me coming up the sidewalk? If I got all the way to the counter you might feel trapped and give in to me, because I can be very persuasive about ordering Mexican food if given the chance. So yeah, locking the door before I get in might be a better idea. I'm fairly easy to spot. I'm that rather small woman on her cell phone that's always sprinting toward your restaurant. I know it probably seems like I'm running FROM something, but in all honesty I'm just excited to eat. If locking the door screws up your lunch rush, I totally understand. My next suggestion would be to just remove the "super baby burrito" option from your menu altogether. Then you don't even have to worry if you see me loitering about, because the issue will have already been disposed of.
Thanks in advance for your cooperation,