Project Straighten

Earlier this week I tweeted that I had pulled the trigger and signed up for Invisalign. In a nutshell, it's a clear-tray-teeth-straightening system for vain people like myself who don't want traditional braces. Although in my defense I do feel the need to point out that I've already had braces TWICE. Initially they were the basic silver kind and came complete with an ultra-sexy headgear piece, and the next time around, the time I almost strangled my orthodontist right in front of God and everyone, they were those "clear" brackets that turned bright yellow every time I ate mustard, which was every single day at lunch. Some really beautiful photos of me were taken over those four years, as you can imagine. No, you may not view them. I did my time, dammit.

What I didn't do was wear my retainers once the braces came off my then-perfectly straight teeth in 8th grade. My teeth have been gradually crowding in ever since, and worse, screwing up my bite. Everyone I talk to says something to the effect of "You're psycho, your teeth are totally straight. Get a grip, you psychopath." Then I punch them and laugh. The thing is, if I don't straighten my teeth now, I'll be in worse shape down the road and end up having to spend more money in the end. Kinda like debt.

Want to see how they're going to fix me? These are actual 3D models they made of my mouth in its current state - the animation shows how my teeth will move over an estimated 5.5 months. I love technology.

Oh, and if you live in San Francisco and are looking for the most amazing dental experience of your life, go see Dr. Patel. I swear my visits are practically spa-like. But shoppers be warned... her office is right above Tiffany's.