Stuff On My Cats

  1. Lucy only has one white paw, possibly because the factory accidentally dipped it in marshmallow sauce right before she was picked up by the stork and delivered to me.
  2. Sam is only three-quarters feline. His grandfather was a grizzly bear. I have the birth records to prove it.
  3. Lucy is a genius. If I've locked her out of the bedroom in order to get a little more shut-eye, she'll yell "Heeeelllllooooooowwww" right into the crack of the door until I let her in. Genius.
  4. Sam still thinks that Rick Rolling is funny.
  5. Lucy likes to do ninja kicks off the arm of the couch.
  6. If Sam hears my upstairs neighbors coming or going, he runs to the front door and barks. Have you ever heard a cat bark? It's embarrassing.
  7. Lucy is obsessed with the plastic wrapping that seals the tops of G.T.'s Kombucha bottles. Whenever I start walking into the kitchen, she sprints in front of me, hoping that she'll end up with some plastic wrapping. I'm trying to get her to obsess over something more environmentally friendly, like cardboard egg cartons.
  8. Sam has long black cheek whiskers and short white chin whiskers, both of which end up covered in food on a daily basis. I'm thinking of sending him off to the circus.
  9. Lucy gets angry with the shower when I'm in it and she's not. She effing hates that shower, and she's not afraid to say so. Watching her wrestle with the sliding glass door is a little pathetic, though.
  10. Sam develops furry dreadlocks around his nether regions that I have to delicately cut off with scissors every so often. This is an activity that neither of us enjoy.

I should probably stop here. I wouldn't want you to think we're weird or anything.