It was a good year, and it was a bad year. But mostly it was a good year.
I created a new web show, learned how to cook beets, took a ton of photos, went to Austin, TX, twice (first for South by Southwest, then for Austin City Limits), joined a gym, drank wine on the beach more times than I can count, started volunteering at the SPCA, spent a week melting under the New York City summer sun, made new friends (in person and online), launched a new version of this blog, made room for a third cat in my apartment, played blackjack in Vegas, fell in love with "Mad Men", lost my job and my web show, watched Barack Obama win the presidential election, totaled my car, acquired an iPhone...and most importantly, forgave.
My divorce was finalized this year, which was by far the most difficult process I've ever experienced and not unlike grieving the death of a loved one, to be totally honest. Divorce is something that affects not just the two parties involved, but their families, friends, and in my case, more than a few strangers who, through the magic of rumors and the internet, deduced that all was not well and asked me about it on a daily basis. I've thought long and hard about sharing this info here, and I'm still not sure if it's the right thing to do, but I can tell you that it does feel like a tremendous weight being lifted off my chest with every keystroke. I led a very public life for a number of years, and when the tide turned I didn't want to have to admit that I had failed.
Take note, Internet: it's only fun when things are going well. Then you wish you'd held your cards much closer to your chest.
I no longer consider myself a failure, but it took me a long time to get here. I don't know if I'll ever completely get over the feeling that I let a lot of people down. It's not my intention to air any dirty laundry or assign any blame...the reality is that things just didn't work out, and the details of why are mine to know, process, and try not to repeat in the future. I don't see the point in wallowing in regret, and I cherish the countless memories that were created because of the choices I made. Life is an adventure and we all do the best we can.
I can't say enough for the power of therapy, acupuncture, lap cats, a really good cry, and time to heal.
So...I'm not going to set unrealistic goals for myself in 2009. What I want is to be present, to be creative, and to be a good person. Oh, and to go on a date with Jennifer Aniston.
Happy New Year, everybody!