25 Random Things About Me

If you're a Facebook user, you've likely been tagged in a note from a friend listing off random things about themselves and asking you to do the same (it's kind of an epidemic, really). But because so many of you aren't my Facebook friends yet, I figured I'd cut-&-paste my contributions here.

**I (lovingly) stole Veronica Belmont's idea of cheating on the rules of this exercise by not tagging anyone. So many people have tagged me that I got overwhelmed, but I still want to play. Below are the rules I'm rebelliously not following:

FACEBOOK RULES: Once you've been tagged, you're supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs (+) on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. When I was a kid, I thought I hated lasagna and wouldn't eat it for years. Bizarre.
2. My eyes are green, but they sometimes look hazel or gold. Bright green if I cry.
3. In 3rd grade I wrote a mean thing in another kid's yearbook and got in trouble. I was trying to be clever, but he was really hurt and I still feel bad about it to this day.
4. I'm the youngest member of my family who still has the "Lane" surname.
5. I have an obsession with symmetry... for example, the way eggs are arranged in a carton.
6. I'd rather be funny than pretty.
7. I love going to expensive open houses and imagining where I'd put all my things.
8. I can't decide if I love beer or wine more. I think it's wine. I think.
9. As an only child, I have to remind myself that it's not always my way or the highway.
10. I love rainy, cloudy, windy, stormy days. They have personality.
11. I find it very challenging to get through a novel these days because I'm always online.
12. I need 8 hours of sleep per night in order to feel amazing.
13. I love performing on TV, but public speaking frightens me.
14. I'm not crazy about the color blue.
15. One day if I'm really lucky, I'll have an outdoor hot tub among redwood trees.
16. Sometimes I wonder if my wanderlust will ever let me truly settle down.
17. I'm extremely jumpy. I don't know why.
18. I hate it when people ruin The National Anthem with showoff vocals.
19. I was a cheerleader in junior high.
20. My favorite feature is my long eyelashes.
21. I'm uncomfortable playing team sports. I think it's fear of failure/letting people down.
22. I make my bed every day.
23. I have a hard time saying no.
24. My most prized possessions are photographs of people I love.
25. Pizza toppings should always include artichoke hearts.

I feel the need to point out that while I enjoyed this Facebook exercise immensely, I've been making random lists about myself for YEARS and categorizing them under "Lists I Made" here, on this very blog. Peruse the category archives, and enjoy! Or just feel sorry for me and my oversharing problems. I'm totes cool with either.

Keywords Are Like a Box of Chocolate...

Sometimes when I've run out of other things to do, I comb through my Google Analytics stats. Which are consistently both eye-opening and confounding. 

For example, anyone who types in "sarah lane", "sara lane", "shara lane", and various forms of "xp hacks" will eventually reach this blog. But in the past 30 days, a modest number of surfers also found me using the following specific search terms:

  • "sarah lane fired" - 61
  • "ooooooh" - 38
  • "scotch" - 37
  • "catfight haven" - 33
  • "jennifer schwalbach smith playboy" - 33
  • "tunok tunok" - 22
  • "the word hi" - 21
  • "phun girls" - 20
  • "download geico caveman commercial" - 18

I'd attempt to make sense of it all, but where's the fun in that? Oh, and in case you were wondering, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith is director Kevin Smith's wife. Which explains so much.

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sarah.fm

Have you ever wondered if rock bands who don't have a "The" at the beginning of their band name get bent out of shape when people get it wrong? For example, Pixies sing "Where is My Mind?", but if you were to be in my vicinity as I was playing said song and asked me who the band was, I'd probably answer "The Pixies" without hesitation. I obviously know better, so why do I do that? I guess it's a case where wrong sounds right.

Other bands in my music collection that I have the same problem with:

Just kidding about that last one. Dumb band name humor. I don't actually have any The The in my music collection. Nothing against the band itself, but it's a profoundly irksome band name.

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The Golden Globes... Live at sarah.word.

8:03 pm- Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture- Clive Owen? CLIVE OWEN? Ok people, this is a crappy way to start the show. You're telling me Clive in "Closer" beats Thomas Hayden Church in "Sideways"? Did the Hollywood Foreign Press actually watch "Closer"? Because I did. And I demand a recount!

8:06 pm- Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture- Ok, I realize Natalie Portman is pretty much the cutest thing any of us have seen in the last 10 years, but... again with the "Closer". Sigh. Ok fine, she kind of deserved it. And her dress is fabulous.

COMMERCIAL/VINO BREAK...

8:12 pm- Best Supporting Actress in a Series/Miniseries/Etc - Anjelica Huston. Sure, she's good.

8:14 pm- Best Supporting Actor in a Series/Miniseries/Etc - And the award goes to... Caption Kirk! Er, William Shatner. Let's just hope he sticks to acting. Has anyone seen him perform in that weird band?

COMMERICAL BREAK (I have a feeling I'll be sorry I decided to break up the show this way)

8:20 pm- Diane Lane presenting a clip from "Kinsey", one of the night's nominated dramas. I support any actress with my last name.

8:22 pm- Jim Carrey introduces the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press. Hi, Lorenzo. Please hurry your speech along. I'm on a timeline. Oh wait, now we're going to a taped clip of Bill Clinton thanking Hollywood for the Tsunami effort. He says to go to clintonfoundation.org to find out how to help more. Actually, I think I will.

8:25 pm- Best Actress in a TV Drama Series- Mariska Hargitay for "Law & Order: SVU", which I've never seen. There are just TOO MANY Law & Orders. Sorry Miss H.

8:29 pm- Best Actor in a TV Drama Series- Ian McShane for "Deadwood". Mmm, I saw an episode or two. Filthy mouths, those cowboys.

MORE ADS FOR BAD PRODUCTS

8:39 pm- Meryl Streep presents... Best Miniseries or Motion Picture for TV- "The Life and Death of Peter Sellers". Speaking of Pete, did anyone see the movie "Being There"? Freakishly good.

8:42 pm- Best Actor in a Comedy Series- Jason Bateman! And you thought he'd never go farther than "The Hogan Family." Which was once called "Valerie's Family". Which was once called "Valerie".

COMMERCIALS.. INCLUDING THAT HORRENDOUS NEW MCDONALD'S COMMERCIAL WHERE THAT GIRL TALKS POETICALLY ABOUT SALADS.

8:49 pm- Halle Berry shows us a clip of "Finding Neverland", also up for Best Pic. I really loved this movie. Johnny Depp can do no wrong.

8:51 PM- Will Ferrell is wearing an eye patch. Just thought I'd share. Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy - Annette Bening. She sure has presence, doesn't she?

8:56- Best TV Series Drama- "Nip/Tuck". I've heard good things. Anyone? Nip/Tuck? Worthwhile?

MORE COMMERCIALS.... I'M OFF TO THE STORE FOR SOMETHING CHOCOLATELY....

...BACK FROM STORE WITH HAAGEN DAAZ ROCKY ROAD (THE BEST ROCKY ROAD ON THE PLANET)

9:14 pm- Ok, what'd I miss? Ok, Glenn Close wins for Best Actress in a TV Miniseries. I realize this is completely unfair and in the past, but I'm still angry at her for boiling that rabbit.

WHO ELSE IS TIRED OF THE CARL'S JR. COMMERCIALS? GUYS, TELL ME YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH THIS HEINOUS MARKETING NONSENSE.

9:27 pm- "The Sea Inside" wins for Best Foreign Language Film. Which I haven't seen, but it better be good if it beat "A Very Long Engagement"!!!

COMMERCIAL... BACK TO MY ICE CREAM...

9:34 pm- Best Screenplay (if Eternal Sunshine doesn't win I'll boycott the rest of this show) ...... "Sideways". While I really, really enjoyed "Sideways", I think "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is far, far more worthy. Still deciding whether to boycott. Very angry.

9:37 pm- Best Actress in a TV Comedy- Teri Hatcher, "Desperate Housewives", the show that bores me.

GREAT DR. PEPPER COMMERCIAL FEATURING THAT SONG BY MEATLOAF! YOU KNOW WHICH ONE I MEAN.

9:45 pm- Clip of "Hotel Rwanda", nominee for Best Pic. Man, that looks good... and heavy.

9:46 pm- OMG! What are Usher and Lisa Marie Presley doing on stage? Oh, riiiiiiiight, it's the award for Best Original Score. How clever. Just like Usher's indoor sunglasses. Wait, who won? Ah yes. "The Aviator". I loved that movie.

9:48 pm- Best Original Song (also presented by the musically challenged duo from previous entry) - "Old Habits Die Hard" from the film "Alfie", performed by Mick Jagger? Er, yeah. Never heard of it. But I do love Mick.

COMMERCIAL BREAK.. I'VE NOW EATEN HALF A PINT OF ROCKY ROAD AND FEEL LIKE I MIGHT DIE....

9:57 pm- Prince is onstage, wearing pink and black. Somehow it works. Clip from "Ray".

9:59 pm- Best Director, Motion Picture - Clint Eastwood! Who else thinks "Million Dollar Baby" is going to sweep the Oscars? Hey, he even got a standing O.

10:02 pm- Diane Keaton's outfit is.... is.... scary.

10:02 pm- Best Actor in a Motion Pic, Comedy or Musical- Jamie Foxx. I feel sorry for Paul Giamatti, because any other year and it would have been him. But "Ray" had it in the bag.

Jamie Foxx's speech just made me cry.

I JUST SAW AN AD FOR THE NEW "APPRENTICE". HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? 

SUGAR HEADACHE SLOWING RECEDING. SWEARING OFF CHOCOLATE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

10:13 pm- Pierce Brosnan is honoring Robin Williams with the Cecil B. DeMille Award. If you're watching, you're getting a wonderful look back at RW's outstanding career.

10:24 pm- Robin's killing 'em onstage. I mean he's really going for it with this speech. Bravo!

10:27 pm- Robin dedicates his award to Christopher Reeve.

COMMERCIALS... TIME TO STRETCH.

10:31 pm- Orlando Bloom (Legolas to me) presenting a clip of "The Aviator". Go see it.

10:33 pm- CHARLIZE! Maybe I should consider dyeing my hair black. Wow.

10:34 pm- Leonardo DiCaprio wins Best Actor for "The Aviator".

PLEASE MAKE THIS THE LAST COMMERCIAL BREAK.

10:40 pm- Best TV Series Comedy- "Desperate Housewives". Yawn. Though you want to root for the creator.

10:44 pm- Clip from "Sideways". Please, please go see this movie. Unless you're under 18, and then maybe not. Hard to say if I would have liked it back then.

10:46 pm- Best Actress.... Hilary Swank. I stand by my Oscar claim for "Baby". And to think she started out on 90210! Remember to thank your husband, Hilary! Good girl.

WELL, THEY JUST HAD TO RUN ANOTHER BATCH OF ADS, DIDN'T THEY? WHO CARES, I HAVE WINE.

10:54 pm- Hmm... why, of all people, is Sylvester Stallone presenting a clip for "Million Dollar"- oh, oh! The boxing thing! Of course.

10:55 pm- Best Motion Picture Comedy- "Sideways". Yay! You can just hear all the actors sighing with relief that they've been guaranteed some more good roles.

10:58 pm- Best Motion Picture Drama- "The Aviator"!!!! Frankly, I'm shocked. Great movie, but figured it would be passed over. Hey, now you have no excuse not to go see it and learn more about Howard Hughes. Creepy creepy.

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Well, my friends, if you made it this far, you deserve an award. And if you actually followed along with me in realtime, you deserve a standing ovation!

I'd like to thank all the people who helped me get here tonight....ah, where to start...
First and foremost, Six Apart for creating Typepad, my agents Cosmo, Luther, and Bunny, my mom for teaching me to be an awards show junkie, and my darling Bobby, who IM'd me through the whole evening, giving me support and encouragement and believing in me when no one else did.

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Not so del.icio.us

UPDATE: Thanks to comments from my wonderful readers, I've discovered two more ultra-creepy food sites here and here too. You're not complete until you've read them.

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Take a gander at some incredibly frightening food mutations, and then run for your life! Or least think twice about what's going on inside those colorful boxes under the fluorescent lights at your local grocery chain.

Thanks to Screenhead for the enlightenment!

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Got Some Time to Kill?

I just wasted an hour watching some deliciously bizarre flicks, courtesy of Diesel Dreams. In my humble opinion, "Dog People Rule My World" gets first prize. Watch them all in the Dream Makers section of the site, then let me know which dream you like best. Oh, and you might run across some mature content, so keep that in mind.

I no longer love Diesel solely for their denim!

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Happy Happy Joy Joy

No, I have nothing new to report about The Screen Savers. Yes, I'm sorry. No, I still can't tell you. Yes, it will be different. No, it's not the end of the world. Yes, I still like chocolate. No, I don't think tapered jeans should make a comeback. Yes, I prefer to keep a sense of humor in times of turmoil. No, I'm not feverish (just plain crazy).

How about a happy picture from an Irish hilltop instead of the usual gossip today? Hooray! Happiness for everyone!

Sarahbobbyeurope1_151_1

A wise man once said, "Relax. It's just television." Thanks for the advice, Paul!

Update: For those of you expressing displeasure about my SarahCam "hints," you're probably right. It isn't really a time for playfulness or teasing. Back to random quotes!

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Common Sense

Ok, I've just gotta vent about this whole Ashlee Simpson lip syncing fiasco. And yes, it was a total fiasco, although I really felt bad for the poor girl. Even though she had a record contract thrown at her because of her older sister. Even though the live alternative would have been pretty bad (I saw the MTV Music Awards performance and wouldn't wish it upon anyone). Yes, even though she blamed her band. It's just a level of humiliation that makes my heart hurt.

But - and I say this with 110% conviction and the desire to educate the public on a topic of which I am an expert - you absolutely must realize that pop stars lip sync. It's such a common practice, it might as well be required for the gig. I can't believe that this latest blunder surprised anyone. More importantly, I don't understand why people can't just automatically tell the difference. Isn't it blatantly obvious when a live act isn't kosher?

Take the Destiny's Child opening performance at the Radio City Music Awards tonight. Total, complete lip sync. No question. If any of the group members deny this fact in the face of recent heightened live act scrutiny, they LIE!

Here are a few telltale giveaways that a live performance isn't authentic (in addition to the lips not actually being in sync with the music):

  1. The rendition sounds a lot like the radio edit. No, wait, actually it sounds exactly like the radio edit. That's because it is. And you can tell, because you've heard the song so many times that you're now distinctly aware of where the vocal peaks and valleys are. It's impossible to recreate an identical copy on stage. It simply can't be done. Somewhere, everyone will sound just slightly different. That is, unless they're lip syncing.
  2. You seem to be picking up multiple layers of the same voice. For example, a faint audio illusion of three Britneys singing, but just one Britney on stage. This is so the real Britney doesn't have to try as hard. The backup "voice" will even out the rough spots and allow her to rip off clothing and gyrate without the pesky fear that her voice will crack. Don't deny it, Britney fans!
  3. The performance is accompanied by lots of complicated choreography. I don't even want to hear some lame explanation about how the most hard-working singers are in such good shape that they can pull off strong vocals and aerobic activity simultaneously. If you don't hear Janet Jackson panting and gasping through her lyrics, then it's no surprise that she isn't singing. Accept it and enjoy Rhythm Nation.

Hmm... so what category does the SNL faux pas fit in? None of them specifically. But let's remember that we're in a pop music era where any decent producer can churn out shiny, smooth, fabricated singles with  a little audio software. Most pop stars just aren't that good. They're usually quite cute in their videos, and often related to someone cute and/or famous, but rarely true vocal talents. Ashlee's debut album was a hit, and her record label wants to cash in, so now she has to perform as much as possible to keep record sales up. What's a girl to do when she can't carry the weight on her own?

Thanks, I feel better now. And for the record, I can't sing worth a damn, so this isn't some jealous, it-should-be-me-up-there thing. I just want musical artists to own up, and stop insulting our intelligence.

PS- Just watched Ashlee's performance on the Radio City Music Awards. The good news is that it was definitely live. The bad news is that it was definitely live.

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